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6 Ways to Love Yourself Into Healing

Updated: Sep 2, 2023


How active is your inner critic? Are you aware of how you talk to yourself daily, moment-by-moment? In what ways do you judge yourself? When we stop to “check-in,” we often find that we’re the harshest with ourselves. In other words, we are our own worst enemy. Our misconception is that this helps us become more accountable and motivated to be or do things better. We think we aren’t letting ourselves “off the hook,” but the opposite is true. It blocks us from what we really want by depleting our energy and keeping us stuck in old habits unable to reach our highest potential. Only by loving ourselves into healing can we touch into our “true self,” reach our dreams and aspirations, and live a joyful, fulfilled, abundant life.


What is Self-Love?

Self-love is the practice of caring for your own well-being and happiness with the same tenderness and compassion you offer to others. It involves acknowledging your worth, accepting your humanness and “shadow side,” and treating yourself with kindness and respect. This means you feel your own self-worth without having to compare yourself to others. It also means taking actions to respect yourself, such as making yourself a priority.


Do you make yourself a priority? Here’s some questions to ask yourself:

  • How often do I prioritize my own needs?

  • How often do I prioritize things that make me happy and then consistently do them?

  • How often do I meet everyone else’s needs before mine?

  • How often don’t I do things because I think I don’t deserve it or I’m afraid of being selfish?


Self-Love is Not Selfish

We need to love ourselves first and foremost before we can fully love and give to others, otherwise we eventually “burn out.” If you are a parent, is being exhausted the best role model for your child? Obviously, no. And, if you’re not a parent, you still can’t function at the top of your game for yourself or others when you’re burnt out.


Self-love is about taking care of yourself first so you can live in harmony, cooperation, and collaboration with others. It doesn’t mean never thinking about the consequences to others. It means valuing yourself enough to set boundaries with the ability to “yes” or “no” to what works best for your wellbeing. This allows you to boost your confidence, resilience, physical/emotional well-being, and experience better relationships in all areas of your life. You’ll also find as you become kinder to yourself, you’re more compassionate and loving towards others.


Self-Love Challenges

  • Limiting Beliefs – Our “inner critic” is input into us early in childhood by parents, caregivers, educators, and society through programmed beliefs that limit us. Some examples are: “I’m not good enough,” “I don’t deserve,” “I’m not worthy,” and/or “My needs don’t matter.” Especially for women, society still teaches us implicitly and explicitly that our identity is tied to being a good caregiver who should put others before ourselves, otherwise we are selfish and derelict in our duties. But this hinders us from being the best we can be for ourselves and others.

  • Difficult Emotions – When we perceive something “bad” happens or our expectations aren’t met, we often shame, blame, or guilt ourselves or others. We can also get stuck in anger, anxiety, worry, depression, etc. This is what some people may call our “shadow side” energies. Avoidance is another tactic used to bury our “shadow side” so we don’t have to face it. Unfortunately, as the saying goes, “what we resist persists.” Emotions let us know something is “off kilter” and enables us to address it. Otherwise, we’re stuck in the harsh judgment of our inner critic. The consequence is we can never fully let go of the past, move on, and let the abundance of the present and future in.


6 Ways to Love Yourself into Healing


Healing ourselves through self-love isn't just pampering ourselves with a massage, new purchase, or a great night out on the town. It’s loving ourselves from the inside out. Here’s some ways to cultivate self-love:

  1. Practice Self-Compassion – This is the cornerstone of self-love. Open your heart and forgive yourself for being human with all its associated imperfections. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a dear friend. Remember you’re not alone. We all have a "shadow side" because it’s part of the human condition. Holding onto grudges or self-blame hinders you from growing and changing.

  2. Befriend and Tend to Your Emotions – Don’t make yourself “wrong” for your feelings and emotions. Judging yourself or others is the main “killer” of self-love. Instead, recognize and befriend your emotions because they’re already here. When you tend to their messages, it allows you to loosen their painful grip and make better decisions without prolonged suffering or fueling self-sabotage and self-hatred.

  3. Let Go of Old Beliefs – Embrace every aspect of yourself, including your quirks, mistakes, and “imperfections.” This includes your "cellulite," “pot belly,” or “big nose.” Look at yourself in the mirror, appreciate all parts of you, and give yourself a hug. It’s not about your physical prowess, what you own, or how much you accomplish that establishes your self-worth. It’s about recognizing your basic goodness and letting go of any beliefs that no longer serve you. You don’t have to believe the stories that have habitually held you back.

  4. Set Boundaries – Saying “yes” when you really mean “no” doesn’t serve anyone. Establishing healthy boundaries is an act of self-respect, self-compassion, and self-love. It protects your energy and emotional well-being, ensuring that you prioritize your healing journey. So, clearly communicate what you are and are not willing to do, and then stick to it!

  5. Create a Self-Love Play List – Although self-love comes from within, it’s still nice to do things that make you happy and bolster confidence. Identify and create a “play list” for what nurtures you, such as listening to your favorite music, walking in nature, dancing, or whatever. When you feel yourself slipping, pull it out and take action with something on the list.

  6. Make Time for Mini Moment Check-Ins – Get into a habit of mini moment check-ins throughout the day to become mindful of your negative self-talk, and then love and prioritize yourself again.

Give yourself the gift of self-love by seeking help from a certified professional coach who can act as a “river guide” to get you there. Schedule a complimentary call with me to find out how you can start and sustain your self-love healing journey.

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